Tia has this "Poor little me" and "Lost" kind of look always, even when she is in her happiest self. She has this frowning lines on her forehead--we used to call her "Chintamani" because of that :). I like this picture of hers even though she looks "Lost" again.
I have always found dogs adorable and cute despite some scary childhood experiences with neighborhood dogs whose only business seemed to be barking their heart out whenever they see me and my sibs. My parents had a male dog called Bobby whom I loved but extremely scared of. It is hard to believe that I never touched Bobby even once in his entire lifetime. When my brother and my sister used to tell me how soft the fur of the dog felt on touch, I used to crave to touch it too. But, I had a serious dog phobia. The closest thing to touching that I did was to feel him through a rod and try to imagine the softness of the fur. The extent of the fear was so much that when Bobby was unchained and played in the ground in front of my house, I didn't even dared to step out of the grilled balcony and watched him play, roll and jump - all from a protected space. While returning from college, if Bobby was unchained, I used to remain out of the compound and knocked the gate until and unless someone from the house comes to my rescue.
I got married and moved to my husband's house. One lazy afternoon, while I was having my lunch, my mother called me to inform about Bobby’s demise. As soon as I heard this, all I could do was to sob inconsolably. For someone like me, who didn’t shed tear on death of relatives, I never thought I would cry so much for Bobby. Innumerable time I had been angry on Bobby for curbing my freedom to move around the house freely and disturbing my sleep with his nighttime howls. For the same dog, I was then crying my heart out. Because of me, poor Bobby had to spend a major part of his life in chain. This is one thing I would always feel guilty of.
Just a month before Bobby passed away, my dog-lover husband and me brought a little Labrador puppy home on his b'day. I felt I was doing a wrong thing by adopting a puppy as it was going to end up in chain its entire life. But I finally gave in to my husband's pleas to adopt a puppy, of course halfheartedly. I had a secret strong wish to do away with the fear this time around.
Tia was a cute little bundle-of-energy who could endlessly pee and play. Before her arrival, I had imagined her to be much smaller than what she was and thought she would be sleeping most part of the day and that she needed to be fed milk with dropper. But as soon as she arrived in our house, she roamed and sniffed every nook and corner of the house and gobbled up milk and baby food in no time. I managed to do a 'brave' act by patting her back once, first time I ever touched a dog. How soft and warm it felt! And at the same time, scared beyond words. My husband explained to me how it was just a tiny puppy, totally dependent on us and would do no harm to me. He kept Tia, who was fast asleep, on my lap to make me feel how it is just like a helpless human baby. I got a strange feeling - pleasant but scary one. Tia slept cozily on my lap. I started enjoying it but on her slightest body movement in her sleep, I yelled and threw her away. Poor thing - she must have felt very scared to wake up with my yells and shrieks. When Tia played and ran on floor in the same room as where I was in, I never used to get down from the bed. My bed was a safe haven for me as she was so tiny to be able to climb up. When my husband wouldn’t be there in the house, on my pleas, he used to lock Tia in another room. When I had to feed her, I used to move near her with a stick to shoo her away if she tries to come and run towards safety as soon as I place the feed on her bowl. I knew she would do no harm to me, still fear overcame me totally. In sleep, I got nightmares of Tia coming near me and I used to wake up with a shout. I felt like I will go mad. A few-week old puppy was making my life hellish. Her cuteness was of no impact on my immense canine fear. I regretted the decision to adopt her. My husband too gave up on me and suggested that we should give her back to the place from where we brought her as he felt bad for Tia. One corner of my heart was against this as maybe love and fondness for Tia was growing somehow. Time passed and I happened to visit my mom's house. This was the first time I was going there after Bobby’s death. I missed something when I couldn't hear him barking on entering the premise. I saw his empty kennel, his food bowls, collar etc. I cried secretly and missed him immensely. When I returned back home after that visit, surprisingly, I was no longer scared of Tia as I was before. Within days, the fear disappeared completely. My husband was even more surprised than me. I and Tia became an inseparable duo. She listened to my commands more than my husband. She would wait for me in the kitchen entrance while I cooked patiently. I snuggled with her, slept with her, played with her, talked to her when I felt sad. From that day till today, it has been an awesome experience to be with Tia. This is the first time I am away from her for a long stretch due to my job. Almost one and a half month. As I am writing, I am missing her immensely. Very soon, she would be with me again. (12 March 2008, 19:06).
Yes she is with me again! (11 September 2008, 20:22)
